Reflecting on module one. . .
Bugis video stands out to me the most. I been thinking about shamanism a lot recently. The video talks about something found to be common with other cultures around the world, in that people who identify outside of the binary have special powers. As indigenous person I question a lot western words, and their meaning, and history. Is “Shaman,” a combination of the words she and man?
This is something I question about myself.
I don’t really like the term feminism but its something I try and do. Through my fashion. For me feminism is standing for missing and murdered indigenous women and two spirits peoples.
Its been an interesting journey to wear a skirt. When I ask people why its okay for men to wear kilts, but its seen as weird for me to wear a maxi skirt. I been told “kilt is different.” I respond with “the kilt is shorter than what I wear.” they respond with “its different.” Scottish culture isn’t the only culture with dress like garment worn by men.
I really begin to wonder how much of gender in general is made up by eurocentric christian or the patriarchy point of view.
I question my gender, but not really.
I been searching to identify my intersection. For the past two years I been calling it Indigenous & Gothic. This term is actually rooted in the two word savage, and gothic. The history and meaning of these words are really similar. These two word symbolize a question. Is it indigenous, or is it gothic?
In Goth culture it’s normal for straight cis men to paint their nails or wear makeup.
Outside of this music and fashion culture it is not acceptable.
I think a phenomenon outside of that is, its not acceptable for people wear make up unless you're on television. Maybe its homophobia? I’m not sure.
I think from now on I would like to identify as a Street Shaman. . .
For me Street Shaman is a Cyberpunk archetype . . . Cyberpunk is rooted in culture that's antiestablishment. Cyberpunk embodies it roots about expand its concept. Cyberpunk is anti-trans-humanism, or technology bonded to humans. It isn’t in terms gender.
My check in?
Hmmm I’m exhausted. I don’t feel normal. I can’t focus on school. I’m not given much time to focus on school. I don’t know how parents do this. I was testing positive for covid. I was having car issues and fell into a deep depression. I was feeling suicidal. I haven’t really been able to do much outside of school. I been masking it so no one knows. I was behind on all my bills, but they got paid the other day. I feel better today, but its still not normal. I have anxiety about checking my email, and I always feel so far behind. My house is a mess. I been considering taking a medical leave. I feels like I don’t know what I am doing. Like I’m I’m in perpetual major shock. . . .
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